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Okay 1) this chapter is probably one of the shortest ones to date, 2) it was not meant to be, in fact, it was originally going to be about three times as long but 3) if I waited to write the rest of this chapter, you would not be getting it until probably the end of the school year because I have been ridiculously busy. I already had most of this written from when I went on my big writing streak with chapter eight, and I kept trying to find time to add to it but ultimately, I just smoothed out the end of it a bit to make it end at least a little less abruptly (although it is still a rather abrupt ending) and now here I am posting it. Sorry that this is all I can give you for now - I just really didn't want to make you wait another two months (or more!) for this. Chapter ten hasn't even been started yet, so...now you'll probably just have to wait those two months (or more!) for that one. I am really, really sorry. 

Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)

Authoress: chelime
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH. 


He couldn’t let it go on.

Remus wasn’t sure when or how it had happened in the past ten days, but something about this whole prank had indefinably changed. More to the point, something had indefinably changed for him, and that was his feelings towards Sirius.

He didn’t know what to label these new feelings, exactly. All he knew was that those friendly, we’re-in-this-together feelings had morphed into…well. Last night when he’d had the curtains drawn around his bed, the usually vaguely detailed body of the man that lived in his head for those Special Moments had suddenly acquired long and lustrous black hair and painfully familiar pale grey eyes.

Remus was quite sure that this sexual confusion involving his best friend had to do with those nasty little buggers known as Hormones; they must have caught on to the fact that Remus was getting regular snogs from a highly attractive male, and, consequentially, they decided to focus his lust for the male gender into that one specific (and ironically off-limits) male. It didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was simply a natural reaction, an animal instinct, a physical response to stimulation that was as likely to occur as shivering when it was cold or sweating when it was hot. But the fact was that Remus could not let this charade of dating Sirius go on when he actually would like to date Sirius, if only for his bone-melting kisses and sweet caresses that sent shivers down Remus’s spine. They now had completely different feelings towards this entire thing, towards each other, and Remus would not let himself use Sirius that way.

Now he just needed to figure out a way to explain it all to Sirius.


Peter sat at his usual table in the Library, not paying much attention to what he was writing in his Transfiguration essay but quite sure that even if he had been paying attention, it wouldn’t be any better than it was now. The current topic in class was completely lost on Peter, and with his friends constantly busy, he had no hope of writing an acceptable essay.

So instead, he thought about his smashing success with his potion.

He had managed to acquire all the necessary hairs for his potion—even Filch’s—and had even successfully infiltrated Slughorn’s supply cabinet for a few choice ingredients that were not sold in your average apothecary. Now the potion was safely tucked away in a broom cupboard that he had spelled with a warding charm and a rather tricky locking spell that Remus had taught each of the Marauders two years ago.

He was just beginning to silently gloat about the potion’s perfect tangerine color when he felt someone poke his shoulder.

He turned and stared.

“Hello, Peter,” said Lily Evans.

“What? Oh. Er. Hello, Lily. Um, did you need something?”

Without even asking, Lily set her books down on the table—Peter’s table—and flashed him a somewhat self-deprecating smile. “I do, actually. Your help with Herbology the other day really saved me on that essay—can you believe I actually got an E on it? I would have gotten a D on it if it hadn’t been for your most illuminating speech on the finer points of using Clabbert fertilizer for a Fanged Geranium, I’m certain.”

Peter eyed her for a moment before lowering his face, blushing slightly. “You’re making fun of me,” he said tightly, wishing he hadn’t gone on so much the other day.

“No! Oh, no, Peter, I wasn’t.” He looked back up at her. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but not meanly, I promise! You’re really very passionate about the subject, and I think that’s absolutely wonderful. You’ve a gift for Herbology.” Lily smiled at him. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Professor Sprout was telling us about that project today, remember? And so I was wondering if I could be your partner. I know I’m not the ideal Herbology partner, but I’m a fast learner, and I promise I won’t let you get a bad grade because of me. And if you partner with me on this project, I promise to help you in any other subject.”

Oh. Oh it was tempting, especially with his completely rubbish Transfiguration essay sitting right in front of him. But work with Lily Evans? The Yoko Ono of the Marauders? Absolutely not. “Any subject?” he found his traitorous mouth asking.

“Any subject,” Lily replied solemnly, the corners of her lips tilting upwards.

“Right, then, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Peter said, outstretching his hand. Lily clasped it with her own, and like that, the deal was done. “Now explain this ridiculous Transfiguration assignment to me, I can’t make heads or tails or any other body part of it.”


What he should do was go up to Sirius, right now, while they were (finally) alone in their dormitory, and say, “We need to talk,” and then just get on with it.

But Remus instead found himself staring as Sirius nibbled on his bottom lip, deep in thought as he studied the text of a book he was certain could provide them with ways to “spiff up” the Marauder’s Map.

It was inexplicable. This was a boy that he had roomed with for seven years and had seen in various states of undress, and only just now, when it was most inconvenient, he had developed these feelings.

Completely inexplicable.

The door crashed open.

“Are you two shagging?” James asked, tossing his robes onto his bed.

“No,” Sirius said. A wicked grin bloomed across his face. Remus tried not to squirm. “But we could be.”

And just like that, Sirius had crossed the room and was ravaging Remus’s mouth in a way that Remus’s body was very agreeable with.

Remus tried to think of Filch. He tried to think of Mrs. Norris. He tried to think of Filch doing any of the number of things Sirius had suggested over the years to Mrs. Norris.

It was not working.

“Sirius,” Remus gasped, only succeeding in bringing his lips a fraction of an inch away from Sirius’s. “Can we—walk. Go on a walk. And—talk. While we—while we walk.” It was very hard to articulate thoughts into coherent speech when one had a Sirius Black attached to one’s lips.

Sirius smiled at him. “Sure. A walk. Let’s go.” Flipping a lazy salute at James, Sirius took Remus’s hand and led him from the dormitory.

Remus began to sweat. 

Chapter One: Misconceptions and Consequences Thereof
Chapter Two: A Rather Complicated Situation
Chapter Three: The Kind Of Plan That Never Fails
Chapter Four: The Stealing of James Potter's Thunder
Chapter Five: Plotting Solo for a Change
Chapter Six: Provocation and It's Appeal
Chapter Seven: Bursting the Metaphorical Bubble
Chapter Eight: The Nervous Game


Feb. 26th, 2007 04:42 pm (UTC)
That was, oh, very very good but argh cliffhangers! argh! It's a love hate relationship, me and cliffhangers. *sigh* Begs, pleads, promises chocolate and...whatever you want, just please please next chapter. Gah! (Double posting this comment because I didn't realize that the link led away from the community. My bad)
Feb. 26th, 2007 07:49 pm (UTC)
I hate cliffhangers too, but in this case, it was very, very crucial ;) Hahaha. Now I guess you'll just have to make sure you read the next chapter to see what happens, eh?

Chapter 10 may take quite some time, although Spring Break for us really isn't that far away, so I could always make an attempt to write it then. Also, SNOW DAYS. Hey, I'll take whatever writing time I can get.

Thanks for reviewing! (Two is better than one ;) )
Feb. 26th, 2007 05:41 pm (UTC)
Oh poor Remus. Can't wait to see how he handles this. Can't wait for more.
Feb. 26th, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
*insert maniacal evil laughter here*

Thanks for reviewing!
Feb. 26th, 2007 05:57 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, too short! Even though I have to get ready for work and I'm going to be late as it is and I really have to have a shower first this was TOOO SHORT!

I want shagging! more fic!
Feb. 26th, 2007 07:54 pm (UTC)
I know, I know, and trust me, it hurt me just as much when I realized how pathetically short it was. But I knew that the next section was going to take me forever to write because I want to make sure it's good (better than good, hopefully) so I just figured, "The hell with it," and posted up what I had. Please forgive me!

Mmm shagging. I heart shagging. It's so...shaggable. Though I am sorry to disappoint - while I had originally thought of including shagging in this fic (those horny teenage boys ;) ) I'm beginning to realize that won't work out in this fic (well, not really beginning, I realized it a while ago actually) BUT I've been thinking more and more about a sequel for this fic so maybe, JUST MAYBE, there will be shagging in that one :D
Feb. 26th, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC)
ohh i have missed this fic, doesn't matter that it was short, something is better than nothing. Great chapter and i can't wait for more!
Feb. 26th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I was hoping that at least some people would see it that way - "something is better than nothing."
Feb. 26th, 2007 06:25 pm (UTC)
oooooh. i'm excited. i love the talks. i really should be writing my psychology paper, but this is eons better. i'm excited for the next part.
and i <3 the "lily? the yoko one of the mauraders?" cute.
Feb. 26th, 2007 07:57 pm (UTC)
Ah yes, The Talk. Oh, I shall have fun with this :D (I am evil. I am so, so evil.)

And I don't know what it is, but I just love R/S fics with references to The Beatles (I mean, they are the same time period) and I thought the Lily Evans/Yoko Ono thing was too good an analogy to not use here.

Thank you for your review!
Feb. 26th, 2007 08:17 pm (UTC)
Something is better than nothing.

Though I want more something!!! *wails, and prays for snow days*
Feb. 26th, 2007 09:09 pm (UTC)
I am right there with you ;)
Feb. 27th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)
Definitely ;)
Feb. 27th, 2007 02:23 am (UTC)
*dies of cliffhanger, will only revive by more fanfic!* >>;;
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:19 am (UTC)
Hold on! Don't go into the light! More fanfic will come! Don't let them pull the plug on you yet!
Feb. 27th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
Oh, oh, so good. God Sirius has me worked up, and I'm not even in the fic! *laughs*

This was lovely. Yay for updates!
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:21 am (UTC)
Sirius is quite good at getting people worked up. I'm sorely tempted to push Remus off a cliff and just take Sirius all for my onesy. Buuuuuuut I cannot bring myself to stand in the way of True Love ;)

Thanks for your review!
Feb. 27th, 2007 03:41 am (UTC)
::jabbers incoherently:: There are feelings! Oh, how I love the feelings. Oh, it is all so lovely.

Yoko Ono. ::giggles:: Went to my school, actually. :)

I certainly don't envy Remus, though, even if Sirius says instantly "Oh, of course I'm in love with you" - because, well, it takes a lot of courage to admit to a good friend that you have feelings for them (as opposed to just regular feelings). There's always the knowledge that you could very well lose said friend. I know it's best to be honest, but crushes etc. on friends are really god-awful. ::hugs Remus::
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:26 am (UTC)
Yessssssssss the feelings! They have arrived! And oh what wonderful things they are (for us anyway).

Oh, yes, I certainly don't envy Remus either. Especially as, er, I've been in that position. Not someone of my same gender, which kind of makes Remus win the "Whose Love Life Sucks More?" game, but yep, a friend. I'm not going to use my situation as a parallel, though, because I think of Remus as being braver and more "I must speak the truth" than I am. Haha. But ah well, I've got some personal experience to sort of work off of. And I'm really sorry I just rambled on about that.

Thank you so much for reviewing, and keep on hugging Remus because he just might need it.
- kawaii_tenshi27 - Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:32 am (UTC) - Expand
Feb. 27th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
Too short! Too short!
But it was wonderful, as usual. It's good to see another chapter, even if it ends in a cliff-hanger like that.

And I feel for you about all the school work. Good luck with that. ♥
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:27 am (UTC)
Augh, I know, I'm sorry :( I promise to try to make the next chapter much longer, especially as you all are going to have to wait quite some time for it anyway. I might as well make it worth the wait, eh?

Thank you for being so understanding, though, and thanks for reviewing!
Feb. 27th, 2007 08:34 pm (UTC)
It was short, lol. But a nice little snippet. I liked the description of Lily as "The Yoko Ono of the Marauders." That killed me. And Peter, being all manipulative; interesting side to him.

Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:31 am (UTC)
*g* I just had to stick that "Yoko Ono" thing in there. It was too good to not use. I love The Beatles and the Marauders, so it's just fun to be able to have both of them in a fic, in some odd little way :)

And you know, call me crazy, but I've actually kind of liked writing Peter. This is really the first time I've ever written him (before, he popped up in L/J fics to say maybe one line before disappearing for about four chapters, so this is a new thing I'm trying here) and I actually kind of like him, in a very strange way. Glad you enjoyed his "manipulative" side ;)

Thanks for reviewing!
Feb. 28th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Aside from being too pathetically short, this is simply excellent! Poor Remus and his ruminations at the beginning--I love the bit about how the "usually vaguely detailed body of the man that lived in his head for those Special Moments had suddenly acquired long and lustrous black hair and painfully familiar pale grey eyes." Oh, yes, that vaguely detailed body. I remember those days... and when they took on Someone's characteristics too.
You are giving Peter great copy too--plotting and quite the conversation with Lily!
And then the last part..."Are you shagging?" (a perfect James line) and ...ooooh, the Talk! Take your time with it, it's so important! I can just see Remus squirming inwardly...

Thanks again! Your chapters are worth the wait.
Mar. 2nd, 2007 04:38 am (UTC)
It is rather pathetically short, isn't it? I'm going to work hard to make sure chapter ten is MUCH longer so as to make up for this one.

Ah, Peter. I've been having quite a lot of fun writing him, actually. I was really afraid when I first decided to write him, but, to me at least, it's actually been going quite well. Peter doesn't really write himself the way Remus, Sirius, or James do, but there are bits where I can really get a feel for his character and am able to work with it. I'm so thrilled that you like it!

And yes, The Talk is VERY important, so I will make sure that chapter is nice and long and I will try my best to do it justice. Thanks for reviewing!
Jun. 9th, 2007 12:15 pm (UTC)
I read the nine chapters and I enjoyed it so much ! Your story is great, and I'm eager to know more ! ^^
Cheers :D
Aug. 4th, 2007 03:16 am (UTC)
Sirius snogging Remus senseless. When is that ever a bad thing?

Such a cruel place to leave off, but yet another wonderful chapter.
Aug. 4th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
Of course not, love. They just haven't realized it yet ;)

Oh, I know. I know it was awfully cruel of me. But at least the next chapter is already up for you - imagine the pain I inflicted on those poor people that had to WAIT. *cackle maniacally*
- yourssincerely - Aug. 4th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC) - Expand