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Authoress's Notes: All right! This is my first posted R/S chaptered fic - it is not finished, I am stuck in the middle of chapter seven - that was first posted on FanFiction.Net. Now, this is not a particularly original fic, nor do I think it's my best writing, but it's quite entertaining and many people have found it amusing and sweet, so I've decided it should be the second thing posted here. It has so far received 114 reviews for the 6 chapters that have been posted on FF.Net, which I think is pretty darn good for any fic on FF.Net as it's so huge, it's easy for an author's work to get lost in the masses of ficage.

Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes)

Authoress: chelime
Rating: R (not until later, though, and so far it's only for language)
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe. RLSB SLASH.

 Upon reflection, Remus probably should have expected something like this, especially when Sirius had exclaimed, upon learning about Remus’s plans for the evening, “That tart? Last time I met her for ‘Transfigurations lessons,’ we ended up snogging for half an hour. In that exact same spot, coincidentally.”

Upon further reflection, he probably shouldn’t have been even slightly comforted when Sirius had added, “But that’s probably not what she’s after this time, I mean, come on, you’re Moony! I don’t think she really goes for the brainy blokes. Just keep prattling on about numeric equations and you’ll keep her at bay. In fact, you might even make her head explode.”

When Remus had agreed to meet his classmate, a Seventh Year Ravenclaw by the name of Marly Jenkins, in the Library that night, he had thought he was meeting with her to help her with their upcoming Arithmancy exam.

He had not thought that “I could really use some help studying for that Arithmancy exam” would lead to molestation of his person!

Marly!” Remus hissed. “Would you cut it out?

There was horrible wet, smacking sound as Marly pulled away from him. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Remus,” Marly said in a low, throaty voice, “but I rather fancy you.”

“Well, er, yes, I had noticed,” Remus said, drawing in on himself in an attempt to keep Marly from returning to her previous ministrations on his neck. “And I’m afraid I do not, er, reciprocate those feelings. So if you aren’t going to be needing my help, I really must be getting back to—“

“But I do need your help,” Marly insisted, combing a hand through Remus’s sandy-colored hair. “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately…you’re so handsome, Remus…so kind and smart…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you…”

She leaned in to give him a kiss on the mouth, but Remus had decided that Enough was Enough, and leapt off the couch.

“I’m sorry, Marly, but I really must be going,” Remus blurted out, scooping his textbooks into his arms.

“Where are you going that’s got you in such a hurry, hmmm?” Marly stood and sauntered over to Remus, a small smile poised on her lips. “What is it you need to be getting back to that can’t wait until later?”

“My boyfriend,” Remus said in a cynical tone, hoping she would take the hint.

Remus registered, with glee, that her eyes were positively popping out of their sockets. “Boyfriend?”

“Yes, so you see, there’s a bit of a conflict—“

“It’s Black, isn’t it!?”

What? N—“

“Oh, Merlin, I should’ve known! Sorry, Remus, I’ll just be going now, take care!” The look she flashed him before racing out of the Library assured Remus that by tomorrow, the Ravenclaw population of Hogwarts (at the very least) would be aware of Remus’s preference, as well as the identity of his “boyfriend.”

Nevermind the fact that Sirius Black was the straightest man to ever walk the planet. And the fact that, up until now, at least, he had been unaware that his best friend was a poof.

“Bloody buggering hell,” Remus said.

Glancing quickly around to reassure himself that no one had been close enough to overhear him and Marly—why have the “news” spread around any faster than it was already going to?—Remus fled the Library, not quite sure where he was headed or what he was planning on doing once he got there, but knowing that something had to be done now.


Oct. 19th, 2006 01:27 am (UTC)

Very good set up. Snappy.

And so well written.
Oct. 19th, 2006 02:39 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I had to rewrite this several times because it never seemed quite right to me, i.e., Marly was simply too slutty to be believable, I used too many cliched phrases, etc. I'm glad you liked this final draft!
Oct. 19th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC)
I loved it. Adorable.

Add me, btw? Otherwise I won't be buggered to actually check for new posts :D
Oct. 19th, 2006 02:40 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks very much :)

And yes, I can add you! Glad you're going to keep up with my fic!
Oct. 19th, 2006 03:11 am (UTC)
OK, so I read this a few hours ago and then tracked it down on FF.net and devoured the other five chapters. All I have to say is: awwwww. :D I loved it to little tiny itty bitty pieces. *eagerly awaiting the next chapter* Useless review, I know, but I'm a useless sort of reviewer. ;)

Would you mind if I friended this journal? I'm an insane lurker and I basically use my LJ for my insane lurkings so I always feel weird about watching communities that don't have a ton of watchers. God knows why, but there it is.

Apologies for the babbling and general incoherency. I'm serious sleep- and caffeine-deprived at the moment.
Oct. 19th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
Not useless! I'm glad you liked the other chapters! Chapter seven is at least halfway done - every time I get on the computer I try to add a little more to it, but between 4 AP classes, being an editor-in-chief of the yearbook, and having a job, I don't have as much free time as I did over the summer to churn out chapter after chapter (I wish I did! I'm having so much fun writing this!) Hopefully chapter 7 will be up by the end of the month, and in the mean time, I'm going to try to get this fic journal caught up. I'll probably post up chapter 2 soon, which I know you already read.

BY ALL MEANS, FRIEND THIS JOURNAL!!! It's brand spanking new, so that's why there aren't many people as of yet - I'm hoping that by linking to it through remusxsirius and possibly other communities, I'll be able to draw in some more watchers. I heart you all so very much!

Ah, sleep-and-caffeine deprivation is the worst. No worries, I babble and become incoherent quite often...which I'm probably doing right now. Anyway, thanks so much for the review, and thanks for friending!
Oct. 19th, 2006 05:21 am (UTC)
Okay, I am about to go and do thou likewise and stalk this fic at ff.net cuase I wan tmore and I can't wait! I'm only patient if I have to be!

That said, I loved this. Great set up, the chat with Sirius at the start..oh, he was so right. Lovely.

I'm gonna friend you too if you don't mind. *snuggles you*
Oct. 19th, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, by all means, stalk away! I'm going to try to hurry and get this fic journal caught up with what's posted at FF.Net - but not too quickly as it's probably going to be a while longer before chapter 7 gets finished. I hate having to be patient - virtue smirtue, I live in the 21st century and I want things NOW. Snicker, snicker.

Thanks so much! Sirius is always fun, but, as cliched as it sounds, my characters really write themselves. I usually just step in when they start jumping ahead of themselves or insist on butting into scenes that I don't want them in, &c. &c. Sirius had quite a few, ah, moments in this fic where I would look back over the chapter and think, "I cannot believe he said that."

Yes, please do friend! *snuggles back*
Oct. 19th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
Argh...ff.net wasn't working last night, so I'll be over there as soon as I'm done this chapter here. Lovely.

I know what you mean about the characters writing themselves, I just wrote a letter from Remus for my latest H/D and it came out so easily and in Remus' voice. All I had to do was type the words. I love it when that happens.
Oct. 21st, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC)
Like I said in my reply to your one-shot, I'm going to restrain myself and wait until this is done to read. I have to ask about the allusion that you have other fics that you haven't posted, though. Please share? Imagine big, pleading puppy eyes...
Oct. 21st, 2006 05:56 pm (UTC)
Yes, I do have other fics, some posted on FF.Net, some that haven't been posted anywhere yet. None of them are finished yet - except for the one-shots, obviously - but they will end up on this fic journal eventually. In fact, there's a one-shot I've been writing that's almost done, and once it is, I'm going to post it here first. Then the rest of what's written of DI so far will be posted, and then I'll probably start adding other fics and one-shots to pass the time between brand new updates of DI. So fear not! I have plans to make at least semi-regular updates to this journal.
Oct. 26th, 2006 11:45 pm (UTC)
hi there, i'm just now reading this, and i really love it! i'd go track it down on ff.net like all the rest, but i've sooo much studying to do that i'd really better read chunk by ilttle chunk. :)
Oct. 27th, 2006 12:08 am (UTC)
Ah, no worries, I completely sympathize in regards to studying. This fic is going to be very slooooowly updated due to craploads of homework and projects and studying.

Anyway, I'm very glad you like it so far! Thanks a lot for reviewing!
Jan. 23rd, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
Great! *applaudes* this is brilliant! I believe you've taken fanfic to a whole new level of genius!
Feb. 1st, 2007 11:21 pm (UTC)
Oh my. Such praise! *BLUSH* Thank you so much! You are being waaaayyy to kind, but thank you!
Aug. 4th, 2007 02:53 am (UTC)
I'm hooked. Sirius/Remus is one pairing that never fails to make me melt, and I am a big fan of your Sirius. He's funny and smart and witty, just the wway I like him, and he's not pompous or a little bit dim the way some people tend to write him.

And I like Remus swearing, because there's just not enough of that in fandom, in my opinion.
Aug. 4th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, I went into my inbox and saw there was a FLOOD of comments from one "ladybugkay." So I figured I should get cracking on replying right away!

I must admit, I love writing Sirius. Back in my strictly-het days, I absolutely did not know what to do with him, so once I delved into the realm of slashism, I forced myself to do "practice pieces" to develop my Sirius and my Remus so that, you know, my fics wouldn't suck. I am thrilled to hear that I succeeded!

And oh, Remus swearing is a must. It turns Sirius on so much =P
Feb. 10th, 2009 06:00 am (UTC)
Remus is ga-ay! Yay! lol *reads on*